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21 October 2007 @ 12:42 pm
Agreement?  
I've been reading a lot of articles from this website http://www.marriagebuilders.com/index.html Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. Author of His Needs Her needs. So far I have been VERY happy with everything I've read. His major advice is to follow this rule, which he calls the Policy of Joint Agreement.

Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.

At first, I thought that it sounded very extreme. How could two people possibly be in "enthusiastic agreement" on every issue?! The more I think about it though, the more brilliant it seems.

For example . . . Tuesday when my husband came home I was very excited to move a full size bed from his parents house over to ours. I demanded that it must be done NOW! (Because I KNEW my husband will NEVER decided to do it on his own) So the whole time we were moving this bed he was huffing and puffing and I was getting upset that he wasn't as excited about our new bed situation as I was.

If we had enacted the Policy of Joint Agreement, I would have calmly waited until he was Enthusiastic about the change. Which probably would have been only a couple hours, or maybe days. Or maybe we would have had a discussion about why he didn't think we really needed to do it....

What do you think about the Policy of Joint Agreement?
 
 
 
dtheresedtherese on October 20th, 2007 05:50 pm (UTC)
I don't know - I guess it depends on what you're agreeing about, i.e., how important it is. If I followed this policy to the letter, I wouldn't be breastfeeding my son, because my husband thinks it's "weird". I think my son's health is more important than my husband's hang-ups about breastfeeding.
kadunkkadnkadnk on October 20th, 2007 05:52 pm (UTC)
I agree with the Policy of Joint Agreement, but perhaps not with the Enthusiasm part... Sometimes you just can't get so excited about something mundane! I would say that decisions need to be made together, with both spouses supporting the agreement.

For example, if I wanted the bed moved and he disagreed, it wouldn't get moved. But if I wanted to bed moved and he supported the decision, I guess it'd go ahead and get moved. :)

-k
Sliceseirra81 on October 20th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
Honestly, my husband and I have very different ideas of what does and does not need to be done. If it was something small around the house and I was waiting for him to be really happy about doing it, it would never get done. Then I'd get pissed b/c he's not helping.

If it's something big, like choosing to buy a home, then I agree. But for little mundane things, we just have different priorities. I want certain things done that he would never do b/c he hates doing it. And let's face it, I don't exactly get giddy with glee when I'm sorting laundry either.
charityelspeth on October 22nd, 2007 08:03 am (UTC)
I think it's a really good policy to try to adhere to most of the time. I also think it's really important to stick to your guns when your gut tells you to (the one poster who mentioned her dedication to breastfeeding in spite of her husband's differing opinion comes to mind), and practice the art of persuasion! And, if need be, the art of digging in your heels. ;)

When we are at our best, my husband and I basically stick to this policy, though we call it "being a good friend" and/or "learning to work together as a team."
warmtea87warmtea87 on October 22nd, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC)
I think realistically we ALL have to do things we don't want to do or aren't excited about just to get by in our day to day lives. I may not be excited about changing my daughters diaper, but it's just something I have to do. Sometimes we just have to do what our partners want even if we aren't excited about it because it's our responsibility to support and help our partners. For example what if your husband never got excited about helping you move furniture? Isn't it still his job as your a member of our household to help you when you need help?
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